My dearest God,

April 09, 2018

My Dearest God.

A couple times, I saw people competing to marry at a young age, of course, I wasn't there, 
cuz I would rather die young.
God, I haven't any reason why I must stay alive. Day by day, I always try to survive, face everything and to be happy. But, I can't. A few days in a month, there are always days when I just wanna die. Always. And i never feel happy since November until now. My cloud is gray and i  just wanna run away..
God, honestly, I wanna die young. I still hate the concept of life and the fact that I'm alive. But I'm afraid. Afraid of my sins, fear of hell, and the fear of death is painful. But I don't wanna grow older and being an adult.
My dearest God, i cant write a lot. But hope that i never kill myself.  I'm too tired to life. Life just like breathing now. I cant do anything now. My head full of demons. People just too easy to give me advice.And I am not comfortable with words that are too positive from others who intend to make me happy.
So God, i'm sorry if i cant be a good human.

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2 komentar

  1. Wow what a beautiful words! But I hope this is not what you really feel. If only I could give you a hug >,< Life is crap, sometimes. But ... who are we to complain? Being ourself is only the helpful thing, I guess.

    BalasHapus
    Balasan
    1. baru terbaca komen zaman nene terima rapot ini. Kepalaku memang kadang penuh demons, kadang ia tertidur >.<

      Hapus

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