What my life is for? Why i'm life now? Why ? why not another person? What the purpose of my life? Or what the purpose God sent me to the world? And the other questions like those. I ask, everyday, again and again. I ask to myself and to the God. And i cant find the answer. And My Lord never answer, maybe The God sent a code but i dont read. Maybe i'm stupid or blind to see it. But i dont wanna talk about it.

I never wanna long live. But i dont wanna die young, i mean i dont wanna die today or nextyear. No... no like this. And i dont wanna talk about it.

Something that i know, last year, when i'm asked the purpose of my life more often than now, i made an outline. A story. I'm write and i hope i can finish the story. I begged to the God, please, please leave me finish the story and it's mean i pray, i wanna live long, at least 'till the story end. And the story end, i feel happy. But... after that  i don't know... i feel a little anxiety, stress, talk to much to myself, asking and asking again about my life.

write for myself is a' needs' like eat. And the achievement from the other is not important when i'm write, when i'm dance or run in the process (write). So i think theory from Maslow is true. 

         So i think i must write again. Write for myself.  The achievement (a praise,a ridicule, a real my book on the bookstore) is the second. The important thing that i need is write. Just write to feel happy, to increase dopamine, serotonin, oxytocine.

I made an outline last week and yesterday i finish the outline. I begin again a new outline and believe i can finish that. I believe it, i can give a reward and punishment to myself. 2,5 gb midnight quota for 5 chapter. And today, i pray to God, to give me more time, at least 'till i finish the story. Maybe i dont know why i'm in this world but at least i know something to do, like writing and try to finish it.

So, i begin again. Pray for me. I hope i enjoy do it.

* i keep learning writing with english, so...